Ghost Town by First Aid Kit

I've been following these girls for some time on youtube, and I just found this video and thought it rather lovely and wanted to share it. I've spent the morning looking for songs for a novel I am about to start working on, and I've added this one.

What I did today

What I did today, originally uploaded by Fiorinda.

I spent the morning at the pond at Sope Creek reading. A lady with her dog came by and we chatted about an hour. She was from France. It was a nice time. Until she came along it was wonderfully quiet with random people and their dogs wandering by on the path behind me. It is way too warm and humid today, considering it is almost November, but the wind was blowing and it smells of fall. The leaves are just starting to change in most places around here., but I've seen a few rather lovely ones. You never know what fall is going to look like around here. It could be over in a day, or last two months. This year seems pretty random. I am guessing it will be over with quickly.

Babies

Today was one of my sundays to work in the nursery. What a day. We had to do a fire drill in the middle of church(just the kids, not all the adults). Fire drills in the baby room are always exciting. We have to put the babies in the evacuation crib push them down the hall and across the parking lot and up a hill to the playground. Thankfully there were four of us today, three of us are paid workers, the fourth is a volunteer. We had 5 babies, one of which had just been dropped off and was screaming. I got to hold her. She stopped screaming while we were outside. She started back as soon as we got into the nursery. We ended up calling 3 moms to get their babies today, and I was the one who had to hold all of them. My arms still hurt. They were all almost 1, so they were big babies. And they screamed very loudly in my ear.

I started working in the nursery for the extra money, and to get my baby fix. I have realized I no longer need a baby fix. Now, a newborn will still make me think about how lovely it is to have a little baby, but then I am quickly reminded of sleepless nights, constant diaper changing, someone always clinging to you. I love my children, and I am glad they aren't babies anymore. I am finally getting some freedom. I am finally getting into the swing of not having a job or children to take care of during the week during school hours. The first month, I gained 10 lbs. The twins were home for part of the time, and all they wanted to do all day was eat, so I started eating everytime they did. Bad idea. I have lost about 5 of those 10 lbs, but it hasn;t been easy. I am a boredom eater.

The hard part of staying home is finding things to do that don't cost money(or involve food). I live less than five miles from a mall and lots of strip malls. I am pretty good at just window shopping, but I am also compulsive. Especially when it comes to shoes. Of course, there is always housework to be done, and I am improving in that area. (speaking of which, I need to do some laundry). But I can only clean the same mess so many times before I want to scream. Now that the weather is cooler, I would like to go back to the park splitcat and I went to a couple of weeks ago and walk. And I have a friend who wants to walk in a nearby neighborhood. I joined one Bible study. It has been fun, but will be over soon. I think I am making some new friends. One lady told me today as she dropped her baby off, that she wished she had my phone number because she wanted to send me a text this morning as she was doing her hair(there is a story behind that-perhaps I will share later). So it was nice to know someone is thinking of me when I am not there. I tend to think I am an out of sight, out of mind kind of person. I always wonder if people think of me when I am not there(yeah, that's pretty vain, I know).

I think I am officially rambling, which means it is time to bring this post to its meandering conclusion so I can make sure my family has clean clothes for this week. (it's not the washing or folding I hate, it's the putting away). I had a coke today at work, thus you get chatty cathy today. it will wear off soon and I'll be my usual quiet self again. Hope everyone had a good weekend. I can't wait to hear how Karenee's unexpected vacation went!

The moon is bright tonight
Like an eye full
of unshed tears
that sparks
suddenly in the light.

I cannot reach the moon
to wipe away the tears
nor can I embrace it
in its cold lonely light

I can only look on
from the darkened earth
and pray.

Adventure

Today was a rare adventure day for splitcat and I. He had the day off for Columbus day, but all 4 kids had school. He took me to a park in Marietta to hike and photograph. It has been a long time since we were able to go out into nature together. I am not a big fan of walking in my neighborhood. There are no sidewalks, and after living here for 12 years, I am tired of looking at all the same houses. Thankfully we have a couple of really nice parks nearby. And the weather is attempting to be fall-ish. Last week it was, this week we are back in the 80's. Still wearing shorts. But I packed away a bunch of my summer clothes today because I am ready to move into fall.
But I ramble and digress.
What I meant to write about was that I think I recovered a bit of my sense of adventure today. It has been gone a while. Too tired, etc. But I had a blast scrambling over rocks and even crossing the creek to get to the ruins(remains of civil war to early 20thC paper mill and other industrial buildings). Thankfully the ruins had recently been cleaned out from all the kudzu, and we could explore a little. The creek was very very cold. It hasn't rained much lately, so it was pretty shallow. It felt really good to be out of the house, not at the mall, or shopping, or eating, but exploring and having an adventure.

15th Anniversary

15th Anniversary, originally uploaded by Fiorinda.

We had a lovely anniversary. We went out and saw "Devil." It wasn't bad. I kind of liked it. Splitcat gave me a new ring to wear until I can fit in my wedding rings again. He got new running shoes. Fifteen years went by a lot more quickly than I thought it would. The past ten years have been taken up with babies and such--and there are several years in there I don't really remember(which is probably a good thing). I am enjoying my kids getting older.

22/365

22/365, originally uploaded by Fiorinda.

Sunrise this morning. It was lovely.

14/365

14/365, originally uploaded by Fiorinda.

13/365

13/365, originally uploaded by Fiorinda.

Everyone passed out on the floor last night on the way to bed. M was screaming that he didn't want to sleep alone, he likes having someone with him. He got down on the floor and was asleep within about 2 minutes. W saw him laying there and lay down next to him and fell asleep. E. was pretending to be asleep on her floor(to avoid having to sleep with M-she's been reading to him every night and playing with the twins until bedtime), and actually fell asleep. It was pretty funny.

It's strange that M is always crying that he doesn't want to be alone when his brother is 3 feet away. He doesn't seem to count. I wonder why.

9/365

9/365, originally uploaded by Fiorinda.

I got a good laugh first thing this morning when I went to wake up the boy. I found this arrangement on the floor. He and I have been trying to figure out fourth grade homework. I was informed at orientation that it will get worse. The girls starts with homework on monday. I hope I can survive.

6/365

6/365, originally uploaded by Fiorinda.

The flowers in my kitchen window. My pictures over the weekend were less than exciting, so I was aiming for somthing a little better to start the week.

3/365

3/365, originally uploaded by Fiorinda.

It's saturday morning. No fancy pictures today. Just a quick snapshot of my morning. Because nothing says Saturday like leftover Chinese food, a Coke, and Ratchet and Clank. This was about 10:30 this morning(and yes, I was eating in bed). I wish I could say that I slept in, and this is my breakfast. Unfortunately, the sad truth is I was awake at 6 am and up by 6:30. I ate my leftover spring roll for breakfast with a cup of decaf coffee(and a bagel-not a mix I recommend for flavor reasons).

Splitcat is off selling used uniforms at school(a great fundraiser for the student govt). P is playing Battlefront II on his PS2, I'm on the PS3 and E and the twins are playing. I am really enjoying the twins getting older. I am much less in demand. Soon it will be bath time for all. Some of my children are a little malodorous today. It is very cloudy and humid today, but cooler than it has been. I am really ready for summer to end. The heat and humidity drain me. Today is my mother's birthday, so we must call her, and tomorrow is the twin's birthday. I can't believe they will be 4 years old. So, anyway, enough of my rambling. Have a great weekend.

2/365

2/365, originally uploaded by Fiorinda.

Today has me thinking about music and its absence in my life.

1/365

1/365, originally uploaded by Fiorinda.

So, I've been thinking of doing the 365 Project for about a year, but it never seemed the right time to start. I've decided now is the time because my life has undergone some major work in the past few weeks.

As part of my new life I have quit my day job. I will still work in the nursery on 2 Sundays a month because I really enjoy the ladies I work with. But I am now a real stay at home mom. It is a relief and a little terrifying. There are many things I hope to accomplish, the main one being rest. I am physically and mentally and emotionally exhausted. It is tempting to commit myself to all sorts of classes and Bible studies to fill the empty hours, but I know this only leads to more exhaustion. I will participate in a few things, otherwise I will be too isolated, but I am going to be very careful with my commitments. Committing to taking a photo a day is as big of a commitment as I want to make. I will try to also post them here.

Do not fear, I will not subject you to countless photos of myself. My goal is to take a photo that represents my day, or my thoughts, or of something I find beautiful. I hope to also write along with the photo, but I am not making any promises.

So why this photo for today? This is a project I am working on for the twins bedroom. We are in the process of redoing their bedroom, updating and putting in their big boy beds. But the walls are really blank. And my budget has been maxxed out. There is one poster I want to buy eventually, but for now, they get pictures made by me. I have been cutting and gluing this little guy all week. Working here and there. It is almost done. So, I thought a picture of a work in progress was appropriate, as I am viewing myself these days as a work in progress. Some days go really well, and reality matches my vision. Some days I get glue everywhere and have to extricate myself from the mess I've made. Some days I just sit back and contemplate on the work that has been done and wonder what it will all look like in the end.

Swing

Swing, originally uploaded by Fiorinda.

Reflections

Reflections, originally uploaded by Fiorinda.

I have a fear of
looking in mirrors
my reflection
is not a reflection of me
I have dreams
of my image
smiling back at me
where there is no smile
on my own face
a chance reflection
in a door
exposes my emptiness
No solid self to taunt
Just a ghost of my
past present future

Launching

Launching, originally uploaded by Fiorinda.

The unknown beckons
In the morning light
When life seems clear
Full of possibilities
An endless horizon
To explore

I am no sailor
For I fear the stormy seas
Yet I will sail on
And one day
Walk on water

and in the spring it rains

sometimes gently in the morning
bare-footed
I walk through the grass
stand under the trees that
Drip
Drip
tenderly like a kiss

sometimes it teases in the afternoon
bare-headed
I stand in the whipping wind
with perfect intention
Breathe
Breathe
deeply like a sigh

sometimes loudly in the twilight
bare-souled
I dance through my yard
to my own electric beat
Spin
Spin
swiftly like fire

sometimes quietly through the night
bare-hearted
I close my weary eyes
to dream of trees and green
Hush
Hush
softly like a lullaby

fire

I have a song to sing, unique to myself. A way of worship, a way of joy. It is an everlasting fire, burning deep within my spirit. I've nearly doused it many times. But it persists and beckons and calls me to forego my silence. I can feel it burning. I can feel it burning. I want to fan the flame until it consumes me. Drowns me. Till I am reduced to ashes. And like a phoenix, arise from my death with a new song on my lips and a fire in my heart...and a love that cannot be quenched.

Storms

Sometimes the pressure builds so slowly, you hardly sense the gathering clouds. You happen to glance up, seeing the sky begin to cave in on you. And sometimes you are caught out in the open, there is nowhere to hide. The sense of danger heightens as the air grows close. It gets hard to breathe, the air is so heavy with expectation.

Then, as you prepare for the worst, a breeze. Then a wind. Then you are standing in the gusting winds of change. Fear is replaced with exhilaration. You are still standing in the midst of the storm, but you can only see the beauty of it, and you don't mind if you get a little wet, because the joy of being alive in such a moment is enough.