It's been a while

I noticed that it has been a while since I really posted here.  I've been in a bit of a slump the past 6 months or so.  So I haven't had much to say.  I guess I still don't.  But I've been learning some things I've always wanted to know.  To gain understanding of different ways of being.  I have lived a very sheltered sort of life.  I do not really know much of the world. 

One thing I have always been curious about is the world of Fandom.  I have lots of musicians and actors and stuff that I like.  But I've never been one to be obsessive(shockingly, since I obsess about pretty much everything) about it.  I've never understood that mentality.  So since I started watching Korean t.v., fans are something you cannot avoid.  Reading comments on YouTube is very entertaining, especially when it comes to "idols."  I had no idea there was such a thing as an "anti" fan.  I mean, I knew that something like that existed, there's always been haters.  But the anti-fans can take it to a whole new level.  So I am beginning to understand a little more about this sort of mentality. 

It's also like the people who dress up as their favorite anime/manga/game characters and go to cons.  Sure, I'd love to dress up and go to DragonCon, but I would go as a random steampunker, not anyone in particular.  It's pretty fascinating. I understand dressing up.  I think it's fun, and there is a lot of that lacking in the world.  It's the obsession with one thing that gets me.  Maybe just because my obsessions are so varied.  My obsessions often have to do with the level of mental boredom I am experiencing.  So it occurs to me to wonder how big of a part boredom plays in other people's obsessions.  It has also occurred to me that there must be a lot of lonely people out there.  Also, I think there are a lot of people dissatisfied with themselves, so becoming someone else takes away that pain. 

Can you tell my thoughts on the subject are still somewhat jumbled.  But taking on a sort of vague coherency.

So anyway.  This is what I have been thinking about lately.

Summertime

Summer time is nearly over. As summers go, it has been a good one. Not too much fighting, not too much heat, way too much humidity. But that means it has been raining, which is a good thing. The trees are actually still green instead of parched brown.

Things I've done this summer:
Vacation to the Smoky Mountains
Painted my bedroom furniture
slept in (thank you splitcat)
turned 36
cleaned stuff out and taken it away
opened an Etsy store
cleaned out our storage unit(our wallet thanked us)
plus all the everyday life that goes on.

The children start school in two weeks. Well, two of them do. The twins are doing another round of pre-k, so they will be starting the day after labor day. We decided it was best to hold them back. I need to try and get them both into speech therapy as soon as school starts. I may work with them at home on reading skills, and depending on their emotional status at the end of the year, start them in first grade. We'll have to wait and see.

This year has gone by really fast. Every year seems to go by more quickly. I still time my years by the school calendar, rather than the actual calendar, so I feel like it is time to take stock and examine where I want this year to go. I feel far more sane now than I have in a long time. It's kind of nice. I hope it lasts.

Weight loss is always high on my to-do list. But not because I want to be skinny, but because I need to be healthy. I am getting back to my homemade beauty routines, which always makes me feel better to know what I am washing myself with. I have even forayed into homemade deodorant(so far it works quite well). Knowing how insanely sensitive I am to chemicals really makes me think about what I am putting into and onto my body. Now I just need to make better food and beverage choices.

This year I also hope to do better keeping up with everyone's school work. In some ways I am glad the twins won't be in kindergarten because our school gives them tons of homework which is mostly parents doing something. Mulitply that by 2 and add a fifth grader and a third grader. P did not have a good year last year, and I really want to help him have a better one this year. But that means I have to stay right on top of him and his work. And if you haven't noticed, I have a hard time staying focused sometimes.

Perhaps I need to set some tangible goals for the year. Like a 30 before 30 list, except it would be a 37 before 37 list.

I guess I have some thinking to do!

Mumford and Sons

I've been waiting a long time to find new music that really suits me. Johnny Flynn came along a few years ago and woke up the something in me that needs music. I've watched Mumford and Sons on YouTube for a while, and gave splitcat their cd for his birthday. I was taken at once. This clip also has Johnny Flynn on the violin.

Stand Out

Stand Out, originally uploaded by Fiorinda.

I was at the Altlanta Union Mission thrift store near my house the other day and as I was leaving I spotted this albino pigeon amidst the large flock and felt compelled to take a picture of it. I feel like there is a lesson here somewhere, but I am not exactly sure what. I watched him(or her) for a few minutes, and it seemed totally unaware that it stood out so sharply. It acted just like all the other pigeons. If anything, it seemed to hold its head a little taller.

I remember thinking about being lonely, even in a crowd. I thought of "going against the flow." How as believers we are to be in the world, but not of it. I thought of being different from everyone around you. I suppose that is what got me thinking about loneliness. That is something I have pondered most of my life. It is very difficult for me to fit in a group. I suppose I appear aloof or snobby to some, but mostly I am shy. and fearful. and I tend to live inside my head where I am safe. I like quiet(which is fairly non-existent at my house with 4 kids).

I like being alone, but I do not like being lonely. And I get mad at myself when I forget that I am never alone. Surprisingly, it has been my youngest child who keeps reminding me of that. He often talks about "Jesus in my heart." He tells his brother not to hit him in the chest because he is hitting "Jesus in my heart." The other day he was making up silly walks, and while I was thinking of Monty Python, he giggled and said that "Jesus in my heart" likes it when I walk silly, it makes Him smile. I think he was right. There is so much in life to fret and worry over, and we get caught up in it and forget to breathe. Forget the things that make us laugh. Forget the things that bring us joy. So instead of the list of things that I am afraid of that I was thinkig of writing, here are some things that make me feel either joyful, or happy, or content, or peaceful, or just make me feel right inside.

Debbie's Happy List--in no particular order

Buttons
pretty fabric
lace
stuffed animals
trees
rain
thunderstorms
rainbows
birds
cats
my children's faces when they are sleeping
the sound of a french horn
things that lace up( like boots with laces, corsets, etc.)
old linens that have been embroidered
pianos
hugs
holding hands
the sound of drums faintly in the air on Friday nights in the fall
the sound of a band/orchestra tuning and warming up
the smell of honeysuckle at twilight
fireflies
books, especially old ones
my down comforter
baby feet and hands and heads
a campfire
stars on a clear night
mountains(especially the Appalachians)
fried chicken
sweet tea
front porch swings
Sunday afternoon naps


I guess there are a lot of things that make me feel good. I could probably add a lot more, but you are probably bored by now. What are some things that make you feel happy? Smells, sounds, sights? I'd love to know.

This was a really rambling post, wasn't it. I've been a little scatterbrained this week.

Ghost Town by First Aid Kit

I've been following these girls for some time on youtube, and I just found this video and thought it rather lovely and wanted to share it. I've spent the morning looking for songs for a novel I am about to start working on, and I've added this one.

What I did today

What I did today, originally uploaded by Fiorinda.

I spent the morning at the pond at Sope Creek reading. A lady with her dog came by and we chatted about an hour. She was from France. It was a nice time. Until she came along it was wonderfully quiet with random people and their dogs wandering by on the path behind me. It is way too warm and humid today, considering it is almost November, but the wind was blowing and it smells of fall. The leaves are just starting to change in most places around here., but I've seen a few rather lovely ones. You never know what fall is going to look like around here. It could be over in a day, or last two months. This year seems pretty random. I am guessing it will be over with quickly.

Babies

Today was one of my sundays to work in the nursery. What a day. We had to do a fire drill in the middle of church(just the kids, not all the adults). Fire drills in the baby room are always exciting. We have to put the babies in the evacuation crib push them down the hall and across the parking lot and up a hill to the playground. Thankfully there were four of us today, three of us are paid workers, the fourth is a volunteer. We had 5 babies, one of which had just been dropped off and was screaming. I got to hold her. She stopped screaming while we were outside. She started back as soon as we got into the nursery. We ended up calling 3 moms to get their babies today, and I was the one who had to hold all of them. My arms still hurt. They were all almost 1, so they were big babies. And they screamed very loudly in my ear.

I started working in the nursery for the extra money, and to get my baby fix. I have realized I no longer need a baby fix. Now, a newborn will still make me think about how lovely it is to have a little baby, but then I am quickly reminded of sleepless nights, constant diaper changing, someone always clinging to you. I love my children, and I am glad they aren't babies anymore. I am finally getting some freedom. I am finally getting into the swing of not having a job or children to take care of during the week during school hours. The first month, I gained 10 lbs. The twins were home for part of the time, and all they wanted to do all day was eat, so I started eating everytime they did. Bad idea. I have lost about 5 of those 10 lbs, but it hasn;t been easy. I am a boredom eater.

The hard part of staying home is finding things to do that don't cost money(or involve food). I live less than five miles from a mall and lots of strip malls. I am pretty good at just window shopping, but I am also compulsive. Especially when it comes to shoes. Of course, there is always housework to be done, and I am improving in that area. (speaking of which, I need to do some laundry). But I can only clean the same mess so many times before I want to scream. Now that the weather is cooler, I would like to go back to the park splitcat and I went to a couple of weeks ago and walk. And I have a friend who wants to walk in a nearby neighborhood. I joined one Bible study. It has been fun, but will be over soon. I think I am making some new friends. One lady told me today as she dropped her baby off, that she wished she had my phone number because she wanted to send me a text this morning as she was doing her hair(there is a story behind that-perhaps I will share later). So it was nice to know someone is thinking of me when I am not there. I tend to think I am an out of sight, out of mind kind of person. I always wonder if people think of me when I am not there(yeah, that's pretty vain, I know).

I think I am officially rambling, which means it is time to bring this post to its meandering conclusion so I can make sure my family has clean clothes for this week. (it's not the washing or folding I hate, it's the putting away). I had a coke today at work, thus you get chatty cathy today. it will wear off soon and I'll be my usual quiet self again. Hope everyone had a good weekend. I can't wait to hear how Karenee's unexpected vacation went!

The moon is bright tonight
Like an eye full
of unshed tears
that sparks
suddenly in the light.

I cannot reach the moon
to wipe away the tears
nor can I embrace it
in its cold lonely light

I can only look on
from the darkened earth
and pray.

Adventure

Today was a rare adventure day for splitcat and I. He had the day off for Columbus day, but all 4 kids had school. He took me to a park in Marietta to hike and photograph. It has been a long time since we were able to go out into nature together. I am not a big fan of walking in my neighborhood. There are no sidewalks, and after living here for 12 years, I am tired of looking at all the same houses. Thankfully we have a couple of really nice parks nearby. And the weather is attempting to be fall-ish. Last week it was, this week we are back in the 80's. Still wearing shorts. But I packed away a bunch of my summer clothes today because I am ready to move into fall.
But I ramble and digress.
What I meant to write about was that I think I recovered a bit of my sense of adventure today. It has been gone a while. Too tired, etc. But I had a blast scrambling over rocks and even crossing the creek to get to the ruins(remains of civil war to early 20thC paper mill and other industrial buildings). Thankfully the ruins had recently been cleaned out from all the kudzu, and we could explore a little. The creek was very very cold. It hasn't rained much lately, so it was pretty shallow. It felt really good to be out of the house, not at the mall, or shopping, or eating, but exploring and having an adventure.

15th Anniversary

15th Anniversary, originally uploaded by Fiorinda.

We had a lovely anniversary. We went out and saw "Devil." It wasn't bad. I kind of liked it. Splitcat gave me a new ring to wear until I can fit in my wedding rings again. He got new running shoes. Fifteen years went by a lot more quickly than I thought it would. The past ten years have been taken up with babies and such--and there are several years in there I don't really remember(which is probably a good thing). I am enjoying my kids getting older.